27 Lessons Learned in 27 Years. Part 2:

13 Slow Down:

I grew up in New York, and it was always about hustle hustle hustle. Even when hanging out with friends.  It’s from activity to activity to activity. Same applied to career and school. There simply was no time for me to catch a breath as my world was in a constant action, a whirlwind of activities.

“Oh, you finished your Bachelors? What’s next?”

“You did your Masters? Now Ph.D.?”

“You found a job, are you a supervisor yet?”

This is what surprised me when I moved to Germany, people can simply sit quietly and enjoy the world. I met people who can actually sit for hours, drink beer, smoke, and just be! Next, to these people, I look like a hyped up badger on angel dust. I think hustle is important, but what actually happens, especially to millennials, is that we get overwhelmed. We expect high short-term investment returns, and the world does not work like that. Life is not a formula or a list, because people think this is the logical next step, doesn’t mean it will have a meaning in my life.

As hectic and on the edge our lives appear, slowing down is not always a bad thing.

14 When Therapist Says to Find A Safe Space And Relax… DON’T!

 

Counselor at my uni kept telling me to calm down and find a safe space. Which I’ve always done, and in the end, I was only in more trouble. As more things were not being done, while I looked for this safety and comfort. My short, yet eventful, life taught me that in order to get over anxiety, start moving! How I understand it, is that when you anticipate a movement (action) body gets anxious and rallied up, but then you do not move. This upsets the body and natural order of things, this is why when people feel a great deal of strain and pain emotionally, continuously, they begin to self-harm (mentally and physically). One good way I got over this is to get up and walk. This is weird,  but whenever a bit of anxiety comes, don’t put your head down, do something. The body will relax, it is anticipating action.

15 Choose Your Smells:

 

This is a funky one. When buying a lotion, lipstick, perfume, shower gel/soap, shampoo; consider a general aroma. I found out this recently, but you want everything to match. Otherwise smells become intermingled. Better yet, if you rely on body mist or perfume, then try to get the rest of your toiletry items without additional odor. The more simplified the odor coming from your body is, easier it is to pass a desirable effect. Chanel 5 shouldn’t be mixed with a cheap hand lotion smell, that is a sacrilege.

 

16 Stop Wasting Time Planning:

 

I am not even going to mention social media, as we all know those are time wasters. What I did notice is that I always wasted time worrying on what could happen, planning out every detail; I always had the best time when I just got up and did my projects. This is how I moved to Germany, how I got married, how I got my dog, traveled and etc. Life is not a big map of things to do and conquer, I think that whatever needs to be done, will get done, as it will become a priority. A certain amount of planning is involved, obviously in my decision making, but it was always good just to do what my mind was set on doing. This is why I suggest that, when starting a project, give yourself a planning time limit. Once time is up, ACT!

 

17 Don’t Tell People What To Do, Support Them:

I had a friend a long time ago, and he said that he would like to move to Brazil. I thought how cool it is, and asked if he had an idea how to settle there. He said, kinda yes, and my response was very positive and approving for this friend. He looked at me, very confused.

“You are the first person that did not try talking me out of this.”

This line made ME very confused. Apparently, people that have never moved in their life, spread the caution onto other people. People who did not have experience in the big world, tell worldly people what to do! This is when a simple rule comes to my mind. I think people do not come for advice but an affirmation to their ideas, at times for a logical breakdown, but most people know what they want. This is why me telling this person to do what he wants, was a good way to bond us, and of course, a lesson for me to learn.

18 Find Music That Motivates You:

Time and time again, no matter what I am working on, I find that music has helped me to simply keep going. As a writer, it is especially important to find tunes that will set the mood for the story that I am working on. Find your life’s soundtracks! A good music will not only set the mood but will lead through the day on the soundwaves of productivity.

 

19 Keep Your Shit To Yourself:

One rule that I really have to work on too. Stop telling people everything, especially if you are only working on something. When you tell people your business, then if you don’t finish it is a double failure. I think because people are constantly asking what I am doing with my life, I keep giving updates on work in progress, that may or may not be finished.

 

20 Become A Finisher!

Pertaining to the previous rule, stop talking, and learn to finish what you’ve started. Even if it is halfway shitty, might not be pretty or useful, do not start something else, if you are not done with the original “project”. Usually, with me, this happens with writing. I think that I have a dozen books ready to be finished, they have all a good skeleton, settings, plots, characters, one of them I’ve worked on for more than 7 years. Problem is not finishing! This is a very individual rule, as I cannot suggest how to find a finishing motivation, I can only point out the problem.

I learned to make smaller goals and completing them.

 

21 Don’t Stay With Anybody Just Because You Are Afraid:

 

Be it loneliness, money, social image or whatever, do not ever stay if you had the thought about leaving. This is how years of life get wasted and in the end, there is nothing to show for it.

 

22 It Is Easy To Leave And Difficult To Stay And To Fight For Your Principals:

Although I had a whole rule 21 about leaving, it is easy to leave. One must put goals and ideals in their life and stick to their principles. This is why before leaving or staying, one must ask, what is it that they stand for? If the person at their side does not stand for the same ideals, then it will be the clashing of titans all the way. Now if the two of them have the same ideals and beliefs, one must understand that a relationship is a wagon which has to be ridden. Two different people meet, sure enough, they have some similarities, but they have led different lives. This is why time is needed to grow together. The best friends are always those, with whom you spent the most time, and got more trouble with.

23 Stop Being Offended:

Offended, triggered, or outraged trend is pissing the hell out of me. There are a bunch of intelligent and cool people whom with I cannot talk. These people get outraged and triggered about things, without any base, just because it is a trend. Same comes to stand up comedy. I think there are things in the world that people ought to be outraged about, jokes are not one of them!

*I will talk about things worth being outraged about in the upcoming post “How Feminism Fails Women”. Keep an eye out for that!

24 Stop Looking For The Messenger, Find The Message:

Quite a few things in my life I learn from stand-up comedy, as I laugh I reflect on the messages and ideas that performer sends. This particular rule I picked up from Eddie Griffin, who is frigging brilliant. He spoke about religions telling who is bigger and cooler, Mohammed, Jesus or Apostles. Eddie said, ” Who cares who the messenger is, did you get the message?”

This is a very important part. Look for messages that support the innate truths in you! Taking a step further, stop looking for people to give you the message, create your own meaning!

25 Push Your Limits:

Suffer every day to become great!

26 Understand That Everything In Your Life Is A Choice:

Every step you take or do not take is a decision!

I did not realize this before, but my inactions often brought to a bad outcome. I wondered, if I don’t do anything, how come outcome is the same? The answer is simple, the decision is an action, be it active or passive still is an action within the universe of your being.  This is why I try to also implement Jordan Peterson’s rule, my with #26, to do one thing at least that will make today better than yesterday! I make a conscious choice to do better, somehow better than yesterday!

27 Don’t Think Fifty Steps Ahead, Be One Step Ahead Of Yourself:

Going back to slowing down, and doing something to make your day better, not to overwhelm, and to finish a simple rule is born! Do everything one step at the time. This last rule which I implement in a new way.  For example, I get ideas for upcoming projects, and of course, I want to throw my all out into the world, to share it with people. I’ve taken 2 boxes out and put them on the table, in the left one I put post-it notes with ideas that I have, as detailed as I can get them to be or just blips from my thoughts. The left box is for something that I will work on. The right box is a space for notes and projects already done. This way I can actually look at the amount of work done!

Fifty steps might be overwhelming, start with just one. See where does it take you.

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